The Crack in the Floor

Gnome !
Yes Weed ?
What are you doing ?
I'm looking at a crack in the floor.
That's a hell of a big crack Gnome !
I know Weed, it goes from one end of the room to the other, about 200 metres I should say.
How did it get there Gnome ?
Well thats a philosophical question, as well as an engineering mystery.
What does it all mean ?
Such is the meaning of life Weed, an analogy of the fissure between cultures and races which make a permanent divide in our history.
I'm still lost Gnome.
Not for long if you stand too close to the edge Weed.
You mean this crack illustrates the division between countries and races, colour and religion ?
Depends which side you stand on Weed.
I'm on this side Gnome.
Well take care because when you put the other foot over it can be a bit scary - take a brave pill.
So what do you think of it Gnome ?
I was thinking about how I could dispose of all my ground elder in this crack. That would keep folk on both sides occupied for a very long time.

Gnome reaches 9000

Yup. Gnome's blog has had 9000 hits since starting out in 2005. Now that's what he calls a dedicated readership. So, please accept the biggest award ever presented by Gnome. Each and everyone of you is the recipient of the Gallant Nomination Of Maximum Excellence. ( G.N.O.M.E.)Thankyou for your support !!

Milestone

One small step for Gnome but a giant step for everyone else associated with his plot. Friend, supporter, partner or investigatory committee member will all realise what a momentous object this is. Where once was a derelict compost heap consisting of brick, corrugated iron and ground elder, now stands a construction that even

Richard Rogers would be proud of.

Four posts and three pallets have been located on the site of the Hill. It is a landmark event because it brings closure to the removal of an ugly carbuncle that dominated the end of the plot for many months. In place of a dump there is now a compost bin/holding/base/collection point/ call it what you may. But it won't have bricks, or metal, or ground elder. And hopefully it will provide a home for everything that needs to stay on the plot to nurture it back into life during the coming years.

It also defines the initial strip of land to be cultivated properly. The depth of the compost bin plus eighteen inches will be the width of the first strip from the path upwards. It will have a small box like hedge and room for some flowering plants and root crops such as beetroot. Gnome's vision taking a strong footing at last.

So where did that hill go.....................?

Approximately 20 bags of ground elder, weed, brick and stone, corrugated iron pieces and assorted gubbins. Probably about 20 barrow loads of earth, compost and stuff all double griddled onto the plot or along the path to be. The bags of ground elder and rubble all had to be taken down to the dump. About three miles away. It could not be composted, the root is too pervasive. So you can imagine my carbon footprint. Size 13 I should think.

But it's all away and now the plan is to dig our way up the length of the plot to remove all the rest of the ground elder, lift up all the rhubarb root to lay out in the frost, and build a compost bin where the hill was.

And I pay an annual rent to do all this ?

The view from the back door

Life bg (before greenhouse) was bleak. Looking out from the backdoor the visitor would have seen the equivalent size of hut and consequently would not be able to see any of the surrounding walls. The hut was also closer to the right hand wall and it was not possible to walk down the side of it. It's a real treat now, being able to see all the way to the rear wall and walk down the side of the greenhouse to maintain it.

It's also a blessing to be able to come down in the morning and make a cup of tea while looking out of the kitchen window at a more attractive and rewarding sight other than a forty year old wooden hut.

You can see the wooden staging that I also purchased. Very solid. Can't wait to get growing. Trouble is the winter daylight hours means that I only have the weekend to work in it and other things like domestic life, shopping, having other fun such as ceilidhs and the major refurbishment of the back room, not to mention the little point about running an allotment plot - all converge together in one conspiracy to prevent horticultural greenhouse progress.

Grow your own

Gnome missed this film when it was released in June. It was so unpopular at the cinema that they pulled it within the first week. Why they did not think of putting it out on television soon after, during the growing season is a mystery.

The film is not great but it has a great story line and some good regular actors who turn in a gentle and humourous performance. The script is sparse but tells the story. It's almost theatrical and it would translate to a stage performance quite effectively.

The story is outlined in this Channel 4 film review. Pete Bradshaw in the Guardian did not like it that much and thought it was a bit twee (if Gnomes memory serves him right). But then it follows in the tradition of the well scripted Ealing comedy dramas and the more recent Gregory's Girl type film.

With nothing worth watching on television midweek it was worth sitting down to watch the film on dvd. It is a well crafted film with editing that supports the story. The characters are exactly as you would find on most allotments so it was well observed. The antics of the president and the running of the committee were pretty accurate also. A good re-inforcement about staying well away from allotment committees. Using the analogy of allotment life and the healing process that it offers, together with its clever use in real life Liverpool for the therapeutic recovery of asylum seekers, is its strong point. There is vivid colour and music that has been chosen well.

All in all it was a nice film, not memorable but worth watching if you want to see potential stereotypes of yourselves if you have a plot. You can get a flavour of it on the film's official website.

The greenhouse struts

One of the selling strength points of this greenhouse is that it has a lot of strong points. Geddit ? There are horizontal struts along the apex, as well as apex plates front and end. Then there are diagonal struts along both sides. Then there are hanging basket rails on both sides. All of these items give the greenhouse a very solid structure.

Gnome had not come across the greenhouse method of internal bolts before. These are square headed bolts that slide into the glaxing bars so that you attach things to them from the inside by sliding them into position and fastening whatever it is you are putting into place with a nut. Trouble is that if you have completed your construction then you can no longer insert the square headed bolts. This is where the half headed bolt comes into play. It slips into the glazing bar groove and when you twist it round with a nut it fixes itself - that is, it is designed not to continue turning round in the groove once it is tightened. Clever stuff. If Gnome could start all over again though he would have inserted two extra square headed bolts into each glazing bar for the sake of it so that if in the future he wanted to fasten something else inside, the bolts would be waiting for him. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. !!

Smell the coffee....see the flowers

You wake up to the sound of water flowing in the background. No traffic or honking horns. The occasional footstep on concrete as someone makes their way up the lane. It is broad daylight but the sun has yet to reach over the low mountain foothills. You are wide awake and totally relaxed. Working your way downstairs you open up the front door and return to the kitchen to get breakfast ready. You smell the coffee. Then see the flowers.

Out with the old..............

............in with the new

Plot 14 inherits Gnomes old shed. Anna sweeps it clean and the new inhabitants take over their new home.

A new hut makes all the difference. The old hut was in such a state that no one could believe it was still able to stand. Gnome had been re arranging his back garden and after constructing his new greenhouse on the site of his old hut it was time to rebuild. Gary had taken the loan of a van to transport the 7 pieces up to the allotment. Gnome had arranged for a skip last weekend to take away his own gubbins from his house and garden. Most of the old hut from plot 14 was therefore neatly arranged in the skip, never to be seen again. Except in this photo to act as a reminder of the past.

One advisor had said that we would never get the hut back up again. It was 40 years old (if we are to believe the copies of the Scottish Daily Express from 1967 that lined the floor beneath the lino) and held together with bolts. Gary had replaced the bolts with new ones and we discovered that by using the shoogling method that we applied to the greenhouse construction, we could get the four sides together successfully.

Gnome wistfully remembered the barn raising scene from Witness, his favourite film. In this scene we see Harrison Ford stripped to the waist with carpentry bag buckled to his waist, climbing the struts and beams of the Dutch barn in the Amish community, hammering in the sections. There is a sequence where he is passed a cold glass of lemonade by his love interest. Sadly, no one was stripped to the waist while building the hut and the refreshment was a plastic mug of coffee from a flask supplied by Jane. But hey, it still had that same magic that the film had !

The job complete, Anna gives it a clean sweep and the new inhabitants make their entrance. Long live the hut for another 40 years.