Gnome abroad

The brown envelope had landed on the doorstep.

"But you gotta sign for it Gnome ! "

Gnome scribbled his name and closed the door on the sneering postman.

" Thinks he's got a win in a prize draw ! " as he shuffled on down the road.

Gnome turned the package over. Shook it and squeezed it. He slowly opened the packet and found a set of keys. Gnome's suspicions got the better of him. He was used to low life mysteries but this was different - there was a letter with the keys - instructions to get the next flight out to Palma.

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The plane was heaving, not a spare seat in sight. It was like 11pm in the middle of Sauchiehall Street. The passengers had been drinking before the plane had left. They were drinking when it was up in the air. Then they all stood up to queue for the toilet for the rest of the two hour flight. Was Gnome the only one to order a cup of tea on the Magaluf Express ?

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Palma. The sun was setting and the evening was as warm as a Cuban winter. Gnome picked up a car from the rental firm. " You bring it back with a full tank and in one piece, or we send someone out for you." Gnome was used to this - he knew how to handle himself. He grabbed the key, shrugged and strolled to the car. He couldn't get it open with the remote. "Use the key ! " someone shouted. He hated being told the obvious. The instructions were simple. Get yourself to a village - there's a house by a lemon grove down by the river, last one on the right down a lane. Gnome wondered what he had to do to get lost. Driving on the right and figuring out roundabouts was a start. His hair began to rise when he left the town and had to drive along lanes the width of a baguette. It was pitch dark and no lights. Gnome came to a village and found a car park. The village was quiet. Steps everywhere.

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"Si ? " Gnome was trying to master the impossible. This senora was leading him down a lane. The last time a dame did this it was a dark alley. This was darker still. She turned him sharp to the right and led him to a door.

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"Here you are now - you are on holiday. Chill out Gnome ! "